Bishounen Ranch
by Kyrissean
Summary: Albert attempts to...adjust...to life at Bishounen Ranch.
1. Taming the Strategist

_I'm not sure if there is any interest in this or not, but I finally decided to post the first chapter of my sequel to How to Catch a Bishounen. I know it's been awhile and I apologize. Sometimes life just gets in the way! Let me know if I should continue and more ideas on future "adventures" would be more than welcome. _

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Chapter One: The Escapee_

It was just another morning at the Bishounen ranch. The sun was shining. Birds were singing. Rabbits were hopping about the grounds eating grass and twitching their cute little noses. And the bishounen were all in the training square for their morning exercise.

She was sitting in a lawn chair, sunglasses on, an umbrella shading Her from the sunlight. Caesar was sitting on Her left-hand side under a smaller umbrella, sipping lemonade and Shu was sitting on Her right side writing in a notebook.

"Here's your ice cold lemonade, Lady." Rico handed Her a tall glass of the drink.

"Thank you," She said pleasantly. "Would you care to take a seat? There's an empty chair next to Caesar here."

"Thank you m'lady, but I have to go clean up breakfast. Eighteen bishounen make quite a mess you know."

"Eighteen," She said wonderingly. "Let's see…Fred, Barts, Borus, Percival, Futch, Nash, Hugo, Watari, Rody, Melville, Jacques, Sasarai, Sgt Joe, Luc, Shu, Albert and Yuber.

That's only seventeen."

"You forgot about me again!" Franz shouted.

She sighed. "Oh yeah. Franz. Eighteen."

"Come on Franz," Futch encouraged, seeing his friend sulking in the corner. "Let's see if you've gotten any better with that spear."

"It's not a _spear_," Franz said. "It's a…"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," interrupted Fred, before resolutely putting one in the air. "Evil doesn't care about your weapon. It…" Here, the black knight faltered, losing his train of thought.

She rolled Her eyes and turned back towards Rico. "You know, you could just leave the cleaning to my NPC sla-er..servants."

"Oh no. That's quite all right m'lady," Rico stammered. "I actually enjoy the duty." And with that, Rico scurried off to the kitchen.

"Hm. Imagine that," She muttered, staring after the small attendant. She sighed in relaxation, sat back in Her lawn chair and sipped Her icy lemonade. She was thoroughly enjoying the morning, watching her bishounen spar with each other.

"Ah…Miss?" A random NPC walked up to Her.

She took off her sunglasses and raised her eyebrows. "Yes?"

"Ummmm…It…ah…seems that one of the…uh…residents is missing."

Shu stopped writing and looked at the NPC.

"Missing," She said with a strained voice.

"Uhhh…yes…the resident of room 16."

"Albert!" Caesar jumped out of his chair. "Why didn't the alarms go off!?"

"Well…uh...it seems that the resident…"

"Albert."

"Uhh…yes…Albert…overrode the alarm system in his room."

"How could that be? I designed that system." Caesar started pacing back and forth.

She put her head in her hands.

Shu looked at the red haired strategist. "I believe I did point out a few flaws in the design, but as usual, you ignored me. After all, what do I know? I was merely the prodigy of the world renowned Mathiu Silverberg and the main strategist for the allied army against Highland."

Caesar scowled. "You were _expelled_ from Master Mathiu's school."

"True," Shu smiled smugly. "But that was only because I used my knowledge to further my personal gain. Sound familiar?"

Caesar lunged at the black-haired strategist.

"Do not wrinkle my notebook!" Shu frantically threw the notebook at Her as Caesar tackled him.

They both fell to the ground and a scuffle ensued.

She ignored the strategists. "Yes. That sounds like my Albie."

The scuffle stopped. Shu raised an eyebrow at Her. "Your…_Albie_?" he queried in amusement.

"Why don't I get a nickname?" Caesar whined.

Shu took advantage of the distracted Caesar and shoved his face into the ground before vaulting up and walking over to stand on the other side of Her chair. She distractedly handed Shu's still mint notebook back to him, causing the strategist to heave a sigh of relief.

"Inform the ninjas at once. They always find him…Although he has been getting better at hiding from them." She turned back to watch the bishounen practice.

"You know where all the others are, right?" Caesar asked, pushing himself up from the ground and spitting dirt out of his mouth.

"Of course," She answered. "I checked on most of them this morning to make sure they were all right. Percival and Borus just entered the ring to spar. Nash is leaning on a wall over there, smirking to himself for some reason or other. Fred, Franz and Futch are sparring on the other end of the ring. Barts is in his run tending to his garden, which looks magnificent by the way. Jacques is no doubt hiding somewhere on the grounds. He's probably watching us from some tree as we speak."

At this, Caesar looked up at the trees suspiciously while dusting himself off.

She continued. "Luc and Sasarai are brooding in their respective rooms. Watari is scouting the grounds, hopefully finding Albert right now. And PsychoLeopard has Yuber."

Shu and Caesar looked up at her.

She shrugged. "I thought he might be a bit hard to keep under control. Plus, Albert would have most likely enlisted his help in escape. And with all these other bishounen to keep track of…Besides I promised him to her…" She shifted uneasily in her chair. "Anyywayyy."

Shu shook his head. "I thought, at my request, that you manacled Albert's hands and feet at night after his last escape attempt."

"I did. Got any new ideas?"

The black haired strategist scowled in thought before beginning to write feverishly in his notebook. Caesar was also scowling, now pacing back and forth and mumbling to himself while making big gestures. Just then, Watari came in to the training ground leading a very wet, very dirty, very sullen Albert Silverberg behind him, his hands and feet both in irons. The other bishounen stopped what they were doing to watch the scene.

Albert looked at Her indignantly. "You can't do this to me. I'm Albert Silverberg, not one of _these_ dogs you can lead around on a leash."

"Who're you calling a dog?" Borus shouted at him.

"Could've fooled me." Caesar smiled smugly. "Well. Look at the bright side. At least your escape plans are consistent. You always _fail_."

Albert bristled. At least _I _don't merely except fate as it is handed to me. Silverbergs…_All_ Silverbergs are capable of manipulating their fate. Even you, I suppose," Albert gave Caesar a look of distaste. "Eventually, I _will_ calculate an infallible escape plan. It is…inevitable."

"Really full of yourself aren't you," She replied, not unkindly.

Shu momentarily stopped writing and stared at Albert with some amusement. "Woooow. You actually made it over the wall this time only to fall into the moat. _That_ must have been frustrating."

Albert glared at Shu contemptuously.

"Always contemptuous aren't you?" Shu shook his head. "You really are a one trick pony." And with that, the former outcast directed his full attention back to his notebook.

Albert's mouth fell open.

Caesar snickered.

She held up a hand for silence. "At least he didn't fall off the wall this time." She shuddered.

Albert turned his look of contempt towards Her.

"Albert." She walked over to him. "I don't understand why you are so unhappy here. The other bishounen seem at least reasonably content with their situation…Well, they seem to have accepted it anyway."

"Well let's see," he started sarcastically. "I live in a numbered room attached to my own personal _kennel_ for exercise, on a set schedule, with my meals delivered to me, in a house with a big wall surrounded by a moat to prevent people from getting out."

"Or in," She interrupted.

"Well there is a gate," Shu stated, still writing feverishly.

Albert looked at the other strategist contemptuously, then remembering Shu's comment earlier, quickly altered his expression to a sneer. "I am chained like an animal and told what to do and when to do it. What part of this should I like? You know every square inch of this property. I refuse to believe _you_ couldn't escape from here."

"Oh, I undoubtedly could," Shu shrugged nonchalantly. "But, as you have demonstrated for us all," Shu gestured to include the other bishounen. "that would require a lot of effort and pain." "As it is, I am quite…content here. She treats me like royalty and not only am I allowed to act as Her strategist…"

"_One_ of Her strategists," Caesar interrupted.

Shu shot an amused look in Caesar's direction. "As _one_ of Her strategists then, but I am also allowed to act as her in-house trader to aid Her in obtaining supplies. I see no reason to try to escape…"

Albert opened his mouth to argue but Shu continued on.

"Actually, at my suggestion, everyone else here was granted a reasonable degree of freedom. Sure, at first some of them were kept locked in their rooms most of the time. But even then, they each had their own bathroom, feather bed and ten by twenty foot run to exercise in. Now, they're pretty much free to roam the grounds as they please and She moved each of them into larger quarters and custom-designed each of their rooms to help keep them happy." Shu smiled. "You should see Borus's room. It's particularly amusing. At Lady Chris's request, Borus and Percival are even permitted to go to the castle twice a week for a check-up. So you see…" Shu stared up at Albert. "_you're_ the one responsible for the poor living conditions She is forced to keep you in. You really didn't calculate this out well at all. And you call yourself a Silverberg." And with that, Shu, once again, went back to his notebook.

Albert recoiled from the other strategist as if he had been struck.

Caesar smirked.

The other bishounen looked on silently, slowly backing up to the opposite end of the arena.

Albert was obviously shaken over the criticism. "Didn't…calculate…?" His voice took almost a piteous tone.

"Watari, the leash please." She held out her hand and glanced at Shu. "If you're done shredding his confidence into teeny tiny little pieces, I'm going to pick them back up so I can reshape and reassemble them."

Shu grunted and directed a non-committal wave at Her.

She looked at Albert and sighed, uncertain as to what She was going to do with him. "Oh, I'll be sure to include a bonus with your next…hmmm." She turned back towards where the ninja had been standing only to find he had already disappeared.

She shrugged. "Oh well. One day you will have to explain how you managed to climb that 30 foot wall with both your hands and feet in manacles. And overriding that thousand dollar security system I had installed in your room after the last time…although…" She glanced at Caesar, who was glaring at his elder brother, arms crossed. She sighed. "I really think you need to stop this business of trying to escape or I'm going to have to resort to the shock collar again if Shu doesn't think of anything else. And I don't really want to do that."

Shu stopped writing. "I suggest you move him to the bigger room you designed for him, and give him free rein of the grounds. It is highly unlikely he will escape with the ninjas patrolling. Perhaps one of them could even follow him around."

"Bigger room!?" Caesar started. "But he…"

"Well, that would be a start," replied Albert carefully. "Wait! You have a room designed for me?"

"You can't do that!" Caesar yelled at Her.

"Actually She is in charge here and so technically She can do whatever She wants."

She glanced at Shu, amused, before turning back to Albert. "I actually anticipated your actions and prepared a room for you yesterday afternoon."

Albert paused and looked at Her, eyes widening fractionally. "A…anticipated my…"

Caesar forgot to be angry and instead smiled smugly at his brother's shock.

"Yes. I can always count on you to periodically try to escape, and according to _my_ calculations…" She pulled out a notebook of her own.

Shu looked at Her curiously.

"You were scheduled for an escape attempt tonight…" She shrugged. "So I was off a day. That's why I have Sh…uh…other strategists," She finished, smiling wryly in Caesar's direction.

Albert vainly attempted to regain his composure. "Silverbergs are NOT predictable," he insisted, struggling to keep his voice monotone. "With a few exceptions," he amended, casting a disdainful look in Caesar's direction.

Caesar stuck out his tongue at his elder brother.

She fingered Her chin thoughtfully. "The question is, are you going to stop your attempts to escape, now that I've brought your attention to the predictability of it to prove that you're unpredictable, or are you going to think that's the predictable course of action and continue your escape attempts?" She paused, considering the possibilities. "Perhaps you will actually listen to Shu, unlike your younger brother and are actually going to behave."

"That is extremely unlikely," Shu commented and paged through his notebook. "In fact the odds are…here we are…10,385,462:1."

Albert ignored Mathiu's former student and looked at Her in shock. "Tell me you didn't just compare me to _him_?" He nodded his head towards Caesar.

"Hmmm." She smiled in amusement. "You actually seem shocked. How…interesting." Her eyes lit up. "And yes. I did."

Albert visibly struggled to retain his composure. "This is _fun _for you," he commented suddenly.

"Of course it is." She smiled. "Now, can I trust you to take a bath without the manacles or do I have to send Nash with you to scrub your back again?"

"Oh please no," gasped Nash. "Albert…"

Albert sighed. "I won't try to escape while taking a bath," he promised sullenly.

Shu stopped gazing into his notebook and joined Her in glaring at suspiciously at Albert. She glanced at Shu who shrugged and decided to take him at his word. Still looking slightly distrustful, She slowly took out Her keys to unlock the manacles.

"Hmmm…Perhaps the master strategist cannot devise a way to exist here peacefully," Shu mocked.

Albert tensed. Suddenly, She frowned and reached towards his scarf.

"What are you doing!" Albert reflexively shied away.

"Oh! Stand still! I'm not going to hurt you…There." She straightened the redhead's scarf and gazed at him proudly. "Well," She wrinkled Her nose. "you still need a bath."

He glanced down at it at, then back at Her, puzzled.

"Ooh. Puzzlement!" She snapped a picture. "What a rare expression coming from _you_."

Albert blinked, momentarily blinded by the camera.

"What was that?" he asked bewilderedly, still blinking.

"Oh, never mind. Come on." She reached around his neck and took off his leash.

He tried to take a step forward but the strain of the attempted escape and temporary blindness proved to be too much for him and his legs buckled. She caught him by the arm. The other bishounen chuckled with mirth. She turned around glaring and all fell silent. She turned back indignantly. Albert put his arm around her shoulders, tried to assume a pitiful expression, and allowed Her to help him hobble up to the baths.

"Hey! Why does he get special treatment?" Caesar yelled indignantly, running after them waving his arms. "I never tried to escape from here or question you or insult you in any way!"

"Do you think she would think me more bishounen if I tried to escape?" Franz asked, plaintively.

The other bishounen simultaneously turned their heads in his direction, and then continued on with their morning sparring practice.

"Game. Match. Point." Shu smiled smugly.


	2. The Dignity of the Silverbergs

_Hey guys...and girls. Sorry to have taken so long to update...again. School and all...You know the story. Thanks to everyone reading this for...reading it, and a very special thanks to my reviewers. Virtual treats for you. I wrote this chapter last year before I finished the original story. After I reread it, I realized this chapter doesn't really have a plot, and at the end, Albert is really OOC. If that bothers you, skip this chapter. Still, it has a special place in my heart, so I couldn't bring myself to throw it out. After this, I'll get to the "adventures" and such. I promise. The next chapter is already written. I just need to tweak it. Again, if you have any ideas of quests, they would be appreciated. That all said, enjoy!  
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Chapter Two: A New Lease on Life_

"So…How do you like it?"

Albert peeked through the door of his new room and looked around. He was impressed, in spite of himself. The room was decorated with maps of the continents as well as more specific maps of different countries, cities and villages. She even had one color coated based on each country's political affiliation. There were half a dozen large bookcases filled with different books on history, literature and politics along with several different chess boards and a large cherry desk with a lamp on it.

"Of course, you are also allowed to check out books from the larger library down the hall at your leisure." She walked Albert over to the desk and began opening the drawers. "I filled the drawers with loose paper as well as notebooks, notepads and empty journals for you to write in."

Albert nodded, his eyes momentarily lighting up before becoming stoic again. "I suppose it will have to do."

She smiled brightly, quickly shutting the last desk drawer. "And your bedroom is through _this_ door." He followed Her through another door behind his desk, into his new bedroom. She grinned like a child and sat on the bed, bouncing a little. "I thought you would like a canopy bed so I ordered one for you…well…and Caesar."

Albert glared at her before remembering himself and composing his features once again. "I see that it has a lot of spring to it," he commented politely.

She wasn't fooled. "Albert." She smoothly walked over to him, staring him in the eye. "You know how sensitive he is, especially when it comes to you. Maybe you should try being nice to him every once in a while."

Albert raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Maybe I should take a lesson from you."

She grimaced. "What's that saying? Do as I say, not as I do?"

Albert smirked, before his brow furrowed in thought again. "What about Shu? Did he also merit a special bed?"

"Oh," She shrugged, turning away from the strategist. "He wanted a water bed so…"

Albert almost looked amused. "Somehow, that doesn't surprise me."

"Yes…Well…" She walked to the other end of the room. There are two dressers and a closet, all filled with clothes that I...you… will most certainly like."

Albert raised an eyebrow at Her. "I'm sure they're fabulous."

"They _are_ fabulous," She insisted, not liking his tone. "Unless you prefer handcuffs?"

The redhead barely suppressed a wince. "No. I like everything in here just…fabulously. And the tour was also…wonderful."

"Mm-hm. Good. And on that positive note, I think it's time to end our session today." She walked out to the main part of Albert's room. "It's past my bedtime anyway," She looked ruefully at Her watch. "Enjoy your night!" She exclaimed with a flourish before making Her exit.

Albert carefully looked out the door after She left, and seeing no one directly outside, shut it softly and turned the lock. He then walked over to his new desk, got out one of his new journals and started to write.

_That night_

"Hey! Wake up!"

"What…" She growled, shoving Her face further into the pillow She was currently hugging. She wasn't a big fan of being touched, and was thinking that if this person continued nudging Her, She might have to get physical. "If this place isn't burning to the ground…" She sat up suddenly, slightly panicked. The other person, not expecting this, was knocked to the ground. "Albert didn't escape again did he?"

"No." the voice sounded rather affronted.

"Oh good," She sighed before collapsing back into Her featherbed. "You can leave now." She yawned, before turning over on Her side.

The voice hesitated before beginning again. "I _am_ Albert. Look at me!" He shook Her shoulders again, trying to turn Her around.

She smiled in sleepy amusement and glanced up, still hugging Her pillow. Sure enough, an annoyed Albert was standing beside Her bed, staring down at Her.

He removed his hands from Her person and affected an expression of relief. "Oh good. You're awake."

She rolled Her eyes. "I am now. Is an army invading the ranch?"

Albert looked up, as if in thought, then shook his head. "No."

"Is anyone dying?"

"I don't think so."

"Are you trying to seduce me?"

His eyes widened in slight alarm. "N-No."

She sighed in disappointment. "Is a nuclear disaster threatening to end the world?"

"N…A what?"

"Then it can wait until morning," She rolled over again, this time pulling the covers tightly over Her head.

"Well," he said calmly. "Now that you're awake, perhaps you could trouble yourself for just one second to look on the floor directly behind me."

"Albert!" She tried not to snarl. "What time is it?" She continued without letting him answer. I'll tell you what time it is! It's two in the morning!" She fumbled for the alarm clock on the desk next to Her bed, covers still pulled over Her head. After almost knocking it to the floor twice, She grabbed it and vehemently held it out for him to see. "I'm not really in the mood for your mind games right now! Come back in about five hours." She slammed the clock back to Her desk and snuggled deeper into Her bed.

"Hey!" She quickly hopped out of bed, as Albert whisked the covers off of her. "You know, if I didn't wear pajama pants and a T-shirt to bed, we could have had a very awkward situation here."

Albert had the grace to blush slightly as he ungraciously dropped the blankets to the floor. "Well, you do live in a house full of men, so I _assumed_ you would try to keep yourself decent at all times…and I was right."

She cast an unimpressed look at him.

"Besides, this is an emergency!"

She blinked, unamused. "You're absolutely right! It's two in the morning, and not only am I awake, but I'm arguing with…" She gave the man a cursory glance. "You're in your pajamas as well." She smirked. "What exactly do you need from me at this early hour?"

"This," he pointed to small dog that was now nestled comfortably in Her blankets, staring at the strategist worshipfully.

"I don't understand." She shook Her head in confusion.

He sighed. "I need to get rid of it."

"It's just a small dog." As if to make Her point, She walked over to the 30lb ball of fluff and sat without ritual next to him, petting him slowly. The dog didn't take his eyes of the redhead.

"Just a small dog? Albert Silverberg does not have _time_ to be followed around by small dogs," he spat. "Or large dogs for that matter. It's undignified. Pets are a waste of time and energy, in any case."

Her mouth twitched. "I could hurt you for saying that."

He tensed.

"But that would require effort, and I don't feel like exerting any right now."

Albert relaxed again.

"Look at it this way. He's not exactly your pet. He's just following you around."

Albert raised an eyebrow at her. It twitched. "You're _so_ helpful."

She smiled. "Okay. Well, look at it this way then. He _obviously _admires your vast intelligence, strategic prowess, impeccable fashion sense and sexy body. Oh wait. That's me." She sleepily curled up next to the dog.

Albert's voice dripped with sarcasm. "And here I thought he was just following me around, because I dropped a piece of food at the supper table last night, and he's looking for more hand-outs."

"Eh." She shrugged. "Could be. Wait…" She slowly sat up, Her eyes glittering. "You dropped a scrap for him?" She looked disbelievingly at the cold strategist.

Albert shifted uneasily, looking away from Her. "He looked hungry."

She snorted in derision. "Sure he did." She gently scooted the dog off Her blankets and re-draped them over her bed. "You know, you _are_ a master strategist." She glanced at Albert, while tucking Her bedding in. "Surely you can find some way to make the dog stop following you…"

Albert gave a shrewd smile to the dog.

"Without killing or hurting him in any way," She added, warningly.

Albert raised an eyebrow at Her and sighed melodramatically. "You are, of course, correct in your assumption that I can stop this dog from following me, although the task may prove to be slightly more difficult given the constraints…"

She, paused from her task, raising an eyebrow at Her companion.

"Now. If you will excuse me, I have a dog to lose." Albert gave a mocking bow before sauntering towards the door.

She smiled at him quizzically as he made his graceful exit, shutting the door in the dog's face. She waited a few seconds before walking over to the dog and and opening the door. She smiled as the dog frolicked into the hallway, supposedly after the redhead who had just left Her room. She dragged Her feet back to Her soft, empty bed and enthusiastically fell into it. Before She could grab Her pillow once again, She was asleep.

_Morning_

"Good morning my Lady," Percival schmoozed, as She entered the dining hall, performing a flowery bow and smoothly kissing Her hand. "Good of You to join us for breakfast."

She snorted suspiciously as he held out a chair for Her. "Good morning." She inspected the seat before cautiously accepting Percival's chivalry. "I trust you slept well."

"Oh, superbly!" Percival took his seat before continuing. "I'm surprised _you're_ up at this early hour of the morning, though. We heard that you had a…" he cast a significant glance at the other bishounen. "shall we say, disturbance…in your room last night." Nash snickered. Shu eyed Her knowingly, while Futch looked positively reproachful. Franz seemed extremely annoyed. Borus simply seemed smug about the interrogation.

"She what!?" Suddenly Caesar came stomping into the breakfast room. He rushed towards Her and stuck a finger in Her face. "What have you done!?"

She fought back a smile. "Done?" She blinked innocently, ignoring the finger.

"Don't play dumb with me. You know what I'm talking about," he snarled

She continued to blink. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You…" he waved the accusing finger at Her.

She sighed, and waved Caesar off, deciding this had gone far enough. "He was simply annoyed, because a dog was following him around, and he wanted me to fix it."

"Uh-huh," Percival smiled smugly. "At 2:00 in the morning."

"It's the truth!" She insisted, popping out of Her seat.

"Riiiiight. And Borus plays with pink bunnies every morning."

Borus jumped up. "I don't…Oh," He slid back into his seat, belatedly realizing his mistake.

"You know, as leader of this company, it really isn't proper for you…" Futch began, but Franz quickly interrupted the lecture.

"Would you think me more bishounen if I came into your room at the dead of night and…"

She silenced Franz with a glare, before incredulously turning back to the other bishounen and putting both hands on the edge of the table. "You guys can't possibly think that I…."

The bishounen collectively raised their eyebrows at Her.

She backed up slowly. "Don't look at me that way…"

They exchanged dubious glances.

"You should all be _ashamed_ of yourselves!" She took a forceful step towards the table. "Of all the times to start acting like a team!"

Caesar looked thoughtful. "Hey. Maybe She didn't…"

"Where is Albert anyway?" Shu entered into the conversation, tiring of the game.

"I don't know." Percival smirked. "He didn't come down for breakfast this morning. He must be worn out from yesterday's…activities."

She scowled at the Swordsman of Gale. "I'd better go check on him," She worringly gazed at the door before rushing out of the dining hall.

"Oh, don't worry milady. It's nothing a little rest won't fix!" Percival's shout followed Her out of the room.

She ignored the knight and rushed up to Albert's room, Shu hot on her heels. She paused at the strategist's door, composing Herself before knocking tentatively. "Albert?" No response. She slowly turned the door handle.

"Locked?" Shu cocked his head.

Her hands shook slightly as She took a ring of keys out of Her pocket and started sorting through the keys. After almost dropping them twice, She finally found the one She was looking for and inserted it into the lock. She resolutely turned said lock, opened the door and let out a gasp. The red-haired strategist's room was filled with dogs and even a few cats. He was sitting on the floor in the middle of the animals, jotting notes down on a pad of paper.

"Look! Look! If I throw the green squeaky ball, those three dogs go after it! If I throw the blue squeaky ball, those five dogs go after it! If I throw this red one, two dogs and a cat go after it. The whole situation is absolutely fascinating, because _theoretically,_ these animals are color blind."

"The same dogs go after it every time!?"

Shu grunted as She jabbed him in the ribs.

"Don't encourage him," She whispered, as they slowly made their way through the maze of dogs and cats.

"Albert," she said, slowly, leaning towards him. "Are you…okay? You don't have a fever do you?" She put Her hand on his forehead.

"And if I squeak this one once, that dog also chases it, but I have to squeak this one twice before he chases it. And _this_ group of dogs likes _this_ squeaky bone…" he sighed in ecstasy. "I never knew animals could be so unpredictable. This requires extensive study."

"I would take that as a no," Shu said.

Albert looked at them blankly and blinked a few times as if finally realizing that other people were in the room with him.

"Oh…hi," he smiled, eyes shining.

Shu stared at him.

"Hiiii," She replied before turning to Shu. "What's wrong with him?"

Shu blinked. "Hmmm. Perhaps the neurotransmitter levels in his brain are off. Dopamine and serotonin play key roles in mental health, you know."

She looked at Shu. "You think he's psychotic?"

Shu shrugged. "The variables seem to point in that direction."

She persisted. "Perhaps he's just sleep deprived. He could be sleep deprived." Her voice took on a desperate note.

Shu nodded reluctantly. "It's…possible. But not likely. We're trained to function on little to no sleep."

At this point Albert interjected. "Sleep! Who could sleep at a time like this? Wait!" he suddenly became anxious. "Has anyone done research like this before?"

"No Albert. I don't think anyone's done research quite like _this_ before." Shu grinned at his own insinuation.

"Do you think he's faking?" She continued desperately. "He must have some alternative purpose for acting like this."

Albert didn't seem to hear Her. "Fantastic! Then I'll be the first. I'll be able to attain a great recognition in the research community for…"

"Determining animal's responses to different kinds of squeaky toys?" Shu helpfully suggested.

"No," the strategist haughtily straightened his scarf. "I'll become known for my non-judgemental, highly specific research on animal behavior. It will probably be the foundation for future studies on human behavior."

"I thought you could already predict human behavior." Shu raised an eyebrow.

"Of course _I_ can," he responded. "But even _I_, in all my strategic prowess cannot fathom all the whys behind human behavior. I hypothesize that there is a primitive instinct in all humans that directs them to perform certain actions. My goal is to study that primitive instinct in the future, but for now, these animals will provide me with a basic experience before I start testing on people."

"You can't test on people!" shouted Caesar, suddenly barging into the room. He stopped in his tracks, speechless, as he surveyed the scene.

"Still eavesdropping I see," Albert commented, disdainfully. "How primitive…Hmm." He started jotting notes down.

"What are you writing?" Caesar snarled as he attempted to weave through the animals. He didn't make it very far before a dog stepped in his intended path, causing him to unceremoniously fall flat on his face.

Shu looked at Albert curiously and slowly made his way to Her. "In my scientific opinion, he's a complete lunatic." Shu whispered in Her ear. "I advise confining him to this room for further evaluation."

Unfortunately for Shu, Her mind seemed unable to wrap around what had happened to Her lead strategist, whom her eyes were forlornly fixed upon. "Albert," She tried again, slowly reaching for his shoulder.

He looked at Her and smiled. "Oh. And if I scratch this gray cat behind the ears, she makes a purring sound, like this. He proceeded to make an incredibly sexy purring sound.

She paused. "Could you…make that sound again?"

Albert looked at Her and made the ISPS again. She turned to Shu and grinned. "I like that."

"What?" Caesar looked back and forth between them. "I can do that too. See? Purr, purr," he attempted, weakly.

"I'm leaving now." Shu slowly made his way out of the crowded room and began walking down the hallway.

She scratched the side of her eye, pondering. "I'll be back." Albert obliviously ignored Her as She jogged out of the room. "Wait! Shuuuu!"

* * *


End file.
